i was rollin on her like bob the builder
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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