Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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