he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
