please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
