I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
