You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
