it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
