Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
