I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
