you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
