i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
