after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
