my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you will always have a special place in my vag
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
