Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
