dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
