so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
