forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
