M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
