Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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