I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
