so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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