She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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