I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
