chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
