I wanna bring you to show and tell
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
