While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
