Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
