Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
