he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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