Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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