he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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