My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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