Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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