then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
