I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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