That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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