I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
