I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
