U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
