sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
