drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
