Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
