I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i think my cat just said my name.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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