I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
