i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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