My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
