my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
