Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you inspire me to be a worse person
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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