Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
