Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
