I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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