Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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